I am a negative person by default. There I said it. I am a worrier and a pessimist but thanks to my now husband he pointed it out to me 14 years ago and I became aware. At the time, I was not so thankful, but ultimately if I didn’t become aware of my constant negative outlook on things, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
I wish I was naturally optimistic, but it just doesn’t come easy for me. I have to work at it. The single most important thing that worked for me was starting to focus on gratitude. According to Webster, gratitude is the state of being grateful; thankfulness; appreciation.
How many of us think things would be better if {fill in the blank}? You know that saying – grass is always greener on the other side. Well, unfortunately in the time we are in, social media has exceptionally increased these feelings of “we are not good enough,” “we don’t have enough.” The pressure that is out there can be unmountable and ultimately very stressful. And remember what I have said many times, stress (whether physical stress to your body from inputs or emotional stress) causes your body to be in a constant state of inflammation. Inflammation, which ultimately can cause disease!
So what steps did I take to change my mindset?
Many years ago, when I learned this about myself, just the simple act of him pointing out to me when I was being negative was helpful. It was bringing that awareness to me. Then I started to notice the negativity others would exude and it drove me crazy. I quickly became annoyed by the types of people that were me. Talk about motivation to be better!
Also, over the course of the years we have been together, we have done varying gratitude practices with each other. Most recently, every Sunday we would talk with each other about one simple thing we were grateful for with regards to something the other person did that week. You should hopefully be able to think of countless things, so this won’t be to big of a deal. We would however also talk through something the other person could do to help make our live better. This allowed us to continue to learn about each other’s needs and grow together.
Next up – in 2017 I started a gratitude journal. Every day, I would write down three things I was grateful for. I have done this a couple of different ways. Every night thinking about the day I just had or every morning thinking about the day prior. Honestly, it doesn’t even have to be about a specific thing within your day. They can be simple things like a clean warm house, money to pay bills, etc. I knew I could commit to doing 3 things starting out, but maybe consider 5 or 10, as I think all of us can think of many things we are grateful for if we just do it.
Finally, the paper journal has now morphed into an electronic app. There is definitely something to be said for writing things down and journaling but for me I love the app because it reminds me every day (at the time I set). And I can do it anywhere I am at. The app I use is called Grateful: A Gratitude Journal and is free to start out. If you like it and continue to use it, after so many entries it does require a payment, but I believe it only cost me $4.99.
Now what?
This practice has helped me by looking for good in every day and realizing nothing is so bad. I hope to start some sort of a practice with my kids soon too, whether it be at dinnertime or bedtime.
The real test will be when you are faced with trying times. Can you work through them differently after focusing on gratitude? That is the hope but not if that muscle isn’t trained and continually trained, so until then I know I will keep working at it!